Hindsight
by Shinigami Yumi
Summary: [SMT4A; Nanashi/Hallelujah; Anarchy Route Spoilers] Hallelujah reminisces about falling in love with Nanashi.


It started out innocently enough.

It didn't matter that the world might be ending within the month — Nanashi would take his afternoon nap anyway. He didn't give any warning either — they'd think they were back in Kinshicho to deliver on a request or cash in some relics they'd found when he'd suddenly turn and head for his room.

 _So here they are, Nanashi making himself comfortable without preamble, and Hallelujah doesn't know what to do. "Gonna take a nap?" he asks awkwardly. The other two seem used to it — they just shrugged and left the room. "Sounds like a good idea…"_

 _It's good to be relaxed, to know how to pace yourself, but he still doesn't know how the guy does it. That's probably why Nanashi's the Leader though — nerves of steel, good judgment in battle and a shitload of firepower. He only wishes he were that dependable._

 _Well, if their fearless Leader is taking a nap, he should get some rest, too. He doesn't have anywhere nearby to go, though — his own room is at HQ in Roppongi, and he's not about to hit up the Ashura-kai branch here just to take a nap. So he removes his jackets and loosens his tie as he heads for the couch, tries to make it casual, like, "First one up has to wake the other one. 'Night," but just as he's about to move the crossbow out of the way, he's stopped by a hand on his shoulder. "Uh…" Maybe he should just leave. "Sh—should I—"_

 _"You're a guest. You should take the bed."_

 _"W—what?" He turns to stare at the other. "I— It's your room, bro! I couldn't—"_

 _Instead of arguing, though, Nanashi just shrugs. "Then we'll share. There's space."_

 _Before he could protest, he'd been steered to the bed, and yeah, there's enough space for two, but it's a bit of a squeeze, and none of that explains why his heart is pounding a million times a minute as Nanashi slides under the covers and tugs him along. It's likely more comfortable than the couch anyway, so he settles in, tries to calm his thudding heart as Nanashi turns towards the wall, and turns to face the other way, so it doesn't get too weird._

 _Or maybe he's the only one feeling weird, since Nanashi is already fast asleep. He can hear the other's slow, deep breaths, feel the warmth emanating off Nanashi's body, just an inch away, and he's never been this close._

 _It's a bit unnerving._

 _Sometimes, he dreams, and he shifts in his sleep, so he doesn't dare sleep in the presence of others. But an hour or so shouldn't be enough time to dream… right? He should be fine… probably._

 _So he closes his eyes and tries to relax, focuses on slowing his breathing and racing pulse enough to fall asleep, when—_

 _An arm slings over him._

 _He tenses, whatever calm he may have scrounged up blown to the winds, and his attempts to gently extricate himself are only met with a tighter hug — Asahi wasn't kidding about Nanashi sleeping like the dead._

In hindsight, now, that's not even funny, but…

 _The other's breaths cool as they ghost over his feverish skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake, and really, by all rights, Nanashi should smell of demon blood, but instead he smells kinda like the Fairy Forest_ —not that he knew at the time— and Hallelujah is pretty sure that's Dagda's influence. Even now, Nanashi still smells like that, and it still doesn't make any sense.

 _This close, if Nanashi weren't such a deep sleeper, he's sure the other would hear the hammering of his heart, and_ C'mon, Hallelujah, get a grip. It's just a nap, for fuck's sake, _he chides himself. He's being ridiculous, and he knows it, except…_

 _Except Nanashi is cool, strong and brave and everything Hallelujah wants to be but isn't, and he'd welcomed Hallelujah despite being told he was a spy for the Ashura-kai. And even though Hallelujah knows he hasn't been very useful in battle, Nanashi only quietly picked up the slack without complaint._

If he's honest, Hallelujah thinks he might have been desperate.

After all, when Abe showed up a few years before —all cool, suave and capable and perfectly willing to take Hallelujah under his wing despite his inability to "contribute"— he'd been quick to fall, too, and maybe if Abe hadn't been so obviously into women, it would have been more than just starry-eyed infatuation, and that would have gotten _really weird._

…which only makes him feel more pathetic.

 _But Nanashi only snuggles closer, and it's the warmest he's ever been in this cold, sunless city they're trapped in. The hand over his torso feels… protective, like the way Nanashi defended him from the demon's attack earlier, and he wonders what it'd be like… Gingerly, he covers Nanashi's hand with his own, laces their fingers and—_

 _Green-tinged fingers curl around his own, and he gasps, heart skipping a beat._ Shit, I've got it so bad.

 _Still, they're just unconscious behaviours — they wouldn't be doing that awake_ or if your precious Leader knew, _whispers the treacherous voice in the back of his mind. So he closes his eyes, lets himself believe the lie, lets the warmth and the steady rise and fall of Nanashi's chest pressed to his back lull him to sleep._

That's the problem, he decides — right from the start, he'd been so eager to believe it.

 _The naps are blissfully dreamless, but Hallelujah is always the first to wake. Asahi would probably agree that waking Nanashi was sometimes harder than fighting demons. That's good, though — just in case he did shift, Nanashi wouldn't be awake to notice._

 _Trudging back after beating that giant snake, he can see the exhaustion written on everyone's faces… everyone except SIR Gaston, that is, who's just being even more of an ass than usual, so he's relieved to reach Nanashi's room, to finally be rid of Mr. High & Mighty._

 _"Guess I'll hit the hay, too." He shrugs as he follows the others out, but a hand catches his elbow, makes him jump in surprise._

 _"Huh? W—what's up, Leader?"_

 _"Where are you going? I thought you didn't have a room around here."_

 _"Yeah…" He scratches his head. "I was going to head back to Roppongi."_

 _Nanashi's usually fierce expression softens. "You'll be okay?"_

 _Oh, right, as far as Nanashi knows, he can't fight. The concern makes warmth blossom in his chest, and he's pretty sure he's more than a little bit in love._

 _"Yeah, it's not far from the underground district, and I mean," he averts his eyes, "I'm not completely helpless, you know…"_

 _He can feel the heat in his cheeks, and it's so embarrassing — the only people he's ever seen with this hair trigger blush reflex whenever they talk to their crushes are girls._

 _"Okay. But you don't have to leave if you don't want to."_

 _Was that…? D—did Leader just ask him to stay the night? Are they going to share the bed for the whole night this time? He'd get to sleep in Nanashi's arms again, and maybe—_

 _Nanashi is already undressing, and he quickly looks away. It's just sleep — he shouldn't be thinking weird thoughts._

 _The other seems to take his lack of response for the acquiescence it is, handing him a spare towel and change of clothes before heading to the communal bathroom with him close behind. They clean up under showers raining spurts of uneven pressure that shift randomly between hot and cold — nothing unusual, what with Tokyo's situation, but it's usually not so bad in Roppongi. When they get back to the room, though, Nanashi leaves space for him on the bed, and as he slips under the covers awkwardly, he thinks it's totally worth the crappy shower. Now, if only he could get rid of that unseemly blush…_

 _Nanashi rolls over, snuggling closer to drape an arm and a leg over him._

 _"L—L—Leader…?" His voice comes out a breathless squeak._

 _"Hm? You didn't seem to mind before."_

 _"B—before?" Then it clicks. "Wait, you were awake?!"_

 _Nanashi grins, almost sly. "No, but I woke up like this once, and it was nice. You seemed fine with it, too."_

 _Hallelujah opens his mouth to respond, but the breath catches in his throat, and he can't find any words. "Uh…"_

 _"Well, do you mind?"_

 _No, god, no, this is everything I've ever wanted, but if you knew the truth… "N—no."_

 _"Good." Nanashi inhales deeply close to his hair and neck. "Mm, you even smell good."_

 _It's like his body is burning up everywhere they're touching, and his eyes are stinging. "Y—you too."_

 _Tightening his embrace, Nanashi murmurs, "Good night," lips brushing the shell of his ear, and he doesn't dare speak above a whisper when he answers, "'Night, Leader."_

And he'd been so happy to slide down this slippery slope.

 _As he sits at the Association bar between Nanashi and SIR Gaston, eating some new type of burger they supposedly had a hand in procuring, he fiddles with his phone. For all that he's supposed to be keeping an eye on them for the Ashura-kai, he hasn't been reporting back. Abe hasn't even asked. Heck, all he's been doing is sending Nanashi embarrassing, rambling messages that he wishes he could take back and reword now that he's looking at them again, even if he only said the words he'd always secretly wanted to hear._

 _Well, okay. He's also been traipsing all over Tokyo, completing missions, collecting relics and helping people, not to mention falling in love like a complete idiot because, sure, he knew the whole business about being resurrected as Dagda's Godslayer isn't good news, but maybe, just maybe, that means Nanashi wouldn't care that they've got not-quite-human in common, and he can't keep the hope from setting his pathetic heart aflutter._

 _"Hallelujah?"_

 _He jumps at Nanashi's hand on his own. "Uh…" Silently praying the other wouldn't ask what's wrong, he offers a weak, awkward smile. "Y—yeah?"_

 _"You're not eating," comes the reply, unreadable as always._

 _"Oh. Um, yeah, sorry." Even SIR Gaston has finished his food despite the brothers' obvious disdain and disgust. "I kinda got distracted." He quickly scarfs down the rest — maybe the people who lived in Tokyo before God's Plan would share the Samurais' opinion of the food, but he's never known anything else, and this burger isn't half bad._

 _"I can see that," but instead of letting go, Nanashi continues to watch him eat until he can feel the sweat sticking his clothes to his skin, and he jerks his clammy hand away before Nanashi can think it's gross or notice his unusually long grey nails._

 _"Okay." He stands and stretches, feigning nonchalance to calm his nerves. "All done now. Where to, Leader?"_

 _"Well, it's been a long day," Nozomi reasons as she rises as well, "so you should probably call it a night."_

 _But Nanashi shakes his head. "I need to run some errands first." Given Nozomi is going to report Nanashi and Asahi releasing Krishna to the Association tomorrow, their Leader is entirely too calm. Nerves of steel, he reminds himself; he only wishes he had them, too._

 _"Okay." Asahi is glum —she's the one worried about Nozomi's report— but she'll tag along._

 _Gaston is being more standoffish than usual, but they still leave the Association together. Not like he has anywhere else to go — they're probably the only ones who'd put up with him. Even his fellow Samurai ditched him because they couldn't stand his attitude, after all._

 _They collect some relics while taking care of a few requests, and everyone is beat by the time Nanashi returns to his room to call it a night. As the others leave —even Navarre, who has taken to watching his little brother sleep instead— he notices that Nanashi is packing a small bag._

 _"Leader, are you going somewhere?"_

 _Green eyes flick to him. "To get cleaned up. Wanna come?"_

 _"Hell yeah." It's been a long day, and they're covered in dirt, grime and blood, both from demons and their own wounds. Truth be told, he feels gross, and a bath sounds like the best idea he's heard all day._

 _Nanashi smirks, stuffing another set of towel and clothes into the bag, and it dawns on Hallelujah then that he'd also just agreed to stay another night. The other steers him out of the room by the elbow, but instead of heading towards the bathrooms, Nanashi walks towards the exit._

 _"Wait, I thought— Leader, where are we going?"_

 _"I've got something to show you."_

 _The guard doesn't question their departure, and the demons wandering around stay out of their way, so they make it unaccosted to a nearby shrine. It's deserted, peaceful with its rustling trees and solemn gates, but there's… something off — like a void left behind by something that used to be there._

 _"This is…"_

 _"Kanda no Yashiro, yes," Nanashi confirms as he makes a bee line for the big well nearby. "Where Krishna was sealed."_

 _Hallelujah hurries after him. "Why are we here?"_

 _"You'll see."_

 _With only that cryptic reply, he slings the bag over his shoulder, vaults over the ledge and drops in._

 _"Wh— Leader!" He runs over to look, only realizing the foolishness of his horror when he finds the other climbing down a ladder — he should know perfectly well that Nanashi is neither reckless nor suicidal._

 _"Well, are you coming?" Green eyes twinkle with amusement in the darkness. "Or do you think I've brought you here to feed you to Shesha?"_

 _"W—what? No! No, of course not! If you wanted to, you already could have!"_

In retrospect now, he doesn't know if Nanashi had known the truth about Shesha all along, or if Dagda never told him.

 _Quickly, he climbs down after the other, the sound of running water gradually becoming louder as he descends, before crawling through a large hole in the wall._

 _Surprisingly, there's a huge cavern under the well, and the sound is from the waterfalls, big and small, on either side of the path leading in. He's about to ask again why they're here when he realizes that Nanashi is stripping._

 _"Leader, aren't there demons h—"_

 _"Only further in," Nanashi replies without pause._

 _"Oh," and he finds himself staring as the other steps under a curtain of water, all wiry muscle and fascinating green markings, and his mouth has suddenly gone dry._

 _"Aren't you coming? It's better than the showers," Nanashi calls over the plunging roar of the waterfall, extending a hand in invitation, and all he can do is stare, transfixed — at the water cascading over the other's skin, at the curve of that arse and the sharp angles of those hips, and he's removing his own clothes, taking Nanashi's hand like in a daze till the cold water shocks him back to reality._

 _Seeming not to notice, Nanashi only grabs the soap from his bag and starts rubbing suds into his hair and over his skin. Hallelujah turns away, cheeks blazing — if he keeps watching, he's sure no amount of cold water will help him._

 _Then strong arms slip around his waist, and he gasps._

 _"Mm, you're so warm…"_

 _Nanashi's body molds to his own, and he barely registers the soap bar being pressed into his hands, lightheaded from how quickly his blood has rushed down. His skin tingles, the Fairy Forest scent of Nanashi suddenly sharp in his nose, and he lets himself drop into the water as his knees turn to jelly_ — Shit, I can't, I can't. I need to get this under control! _His wildly beating heart feels like it might burst out of its fragile cage, and he tamps down on that rush of hot-cold power that floods his veins._

 _By the time a hand grips his wrist and drags him to the surface, he's forced it back down, and the gasp of air that greets him doesn't smell like magnetite anymore._

 _"You okay?"_

 _"Yeah," he answers breathlessly with a shaky smile. "Yeah, I just— I—"_

 _But Nanashi just shrugs, letting go. "The heating is out sometimes, but even when it's on, I'd take colder water over the unsteady supply we get in the underground districts."_

 _Indeed, the water pressure here is amazing, and if only the water were warm, it would be perfect._

 _"I heard less water is coming up from underground, too." Hallelujah works the soap into a lather on his hair and skin, struggling to slow his breathing. "People are saying it might be running out soon."_

 _"Heh." Nanashi sits down under the waterfall again, talks louder above the sound. "At this rate, everyone will be dead before they have to worry about that."_

 _"Yeah… Abe said the same."_ Way to kill the mood there, _Hallelujah chides himself in the ensuing sombre silence as he properly cleans himself up and rinses off. That's probably good, though — he needs to think more unsexy things, so he can stop keeping his back turned to Nanashi to hide his arousal._

It's not fair, _he thinks bitterly, his feelings a jumbled mess. Fifteen years of thinking no one would spare his plain and useless self a second glance, and now that it finally looks like his attraction might be reciprocated, he's too much of a coward to even act on it._

 _But… he doesn't think he could take it if Nanashi found out and couldn't accept him._

 _Well, that definitely killed the buzz._

 _He accepts a towel and a pair of shorts from Nanashi. "Aren't you uh… worried about Nozomi's report?" he asks for the lack of a better topic as he turns away to put the shorts on while towelling his hair dry._

 _"It is what it is. We didn't know, then we had no choice. If they've got a problem, the Association can kiss my ass."_

It shouldn't have been surprising that Nanashi doesn't care what the rest of the world thinks. Hell, that should probably have been his first warning sign. But at the time, all he could think of was how much better it would be if he didn't either and the possibility that it meant Nanashi wouldn't fear him like the others… Heh, knowing Nanashi, though, he wouldn't run from a monster — he'd kill it where it stood.

Damn it, Hallelujah, _he scolds himself._ You know you need to tell him the truth. How is it that you can run with mobsters and thugs, but you can't even say a few words?

 _Clenching his fist and gathering his resolve, he turns—_

 _—to find Nanashi right next to him, watching him intently in nothing but a pair of shorts, and the words die before they even reach his throat — he forgets to breathe. His eyes flick to the other's lips —thin, kinda permanently set in a fierce line— and it feels like he's careening forward._

 _Or is Nanashi…?_

 _His eyes flutter shut, and the contact is soft first, then more insistent. He doesn't have a clue what he's doing, so he just goes with instinct, but even this clumsy first kiss makes electric warmth tingle down his spine to the tips of his fingers and toes, and he's_ hooked.

 _He wants to grab Nanashi, haul him closer for_ more, _but before he can decide what to do with his hands, it's over, and the other is smirking as he steps back._

 _"As I thought."_

 _"Wh—"_ I haven't… I haven't shifted, right? _He glances down at his hands — nope, still human. "E—eh?"_

 _"If you want to, why did you run?"_

 _"Because I…"_ What if he minds? _whispers that old insidious voice._ He doesn't have to know… _It's cowardice, and he knows it. The truth will come out eventually. But in the meantime… "I've never—"_

 _The other raises an eyebrow, arms crossed. "Yeah, me neither. We're fifteen. So?"_

 _He smiles weakly. "Could we uh… take it slow?"_

 _Nanashi blinks slowly, then rolls his eyes and puts a shirt on before tossing another one over. "The world is ending, and someone's got virgin jitters." He picks up the bag and slings it back over his shoulder before returning to Hallelujah's side. "You are completely ridiculous. But," he snakes his arm around Hallelujah's waist with an exasperated chuckle, "I have to admit it's kinda cute."_

Oh wow, you're perfect, _Hallelujah gasps — he'd been so sure he'd ruined this regardless._

And maybe that's why he never saw it coming, the same way he hadn't realized Abe was a demon, his father — their kindness to him made him blind to all the signs.

 _"Maybe being dead does the trick."_

 _"Didn't work for Navarre."_ Wait. _"Shit, I said that out loud, didn't I?"_

 _Nanashi laughs like he's never heard before. "Yup. Now put your shirt on before I change my mind about taking it slow."_

 _A breathless, exhilarated chuckle escapes him as he complies, and he leans into the other's side as they head back to Kinshicho._

You're perfect, and that's the worst part of it all.

Maybe it's only fair that it turned out to be a double blind.

 _"So let me guess," Nanashi murmurs between kisses, hands burning into his skin. "This half-demon thing is what you've been so hung up on all this time."_

 _Their hips meet, and all Hallelujah can do is arch into the contact and moan._

 _"Because I sure don't hear you complaining now, Mr. Let's Take It Slow."_

 _If he could blush any more deeply, he would, but then Nanashi's hands dip lower, and he's crying out, the hot-cold rush spreading as his vision takes on a familiar sharper quality. He gasps, feeling the shift in his skin, in his fingers and toes, and pulls away from the suddenly overwhelming scent and taste of_ magnetite.

 _"Sorry, just let me…"_

 _He turns away and tries to shift back, but he can't — at the edge of passion, nerves frazzled with strange impulses and body aflame with desire, he can't control it._

 _"Heh, it all makes sense now." Nanashi props his head up with one hand, elbow on the bed. "You always shift when you get excited?"_

 _Hallelujah hangs his head, trying to slow his breathing. "Yeah… That's why I avoid fighting and why I wanted to take it slow. If I get too caught up, I'd shift, and I didn't want anyone to know."_

 _"Mm." Nanashi takes his hand. "I always did think your nails kinda looked like claws," he muses, inspecting now clawed fingertips closely._

 _"Y—you don't mind?"_

 _Green eyes blink up at him. "Didn't we have this conversation earlier?"_

 _Nervously, he scratches his head. "Well, yeah, but… you know…? 'It doesn't matter' as a friend is totally different from 'I can be sexually attracted to it,' right?"_

 _"You're the one who stopped," Nanashi says pointedly, and okay, yeah, now he feels foolish._

 _"It's more than that though," he mumbles defensively._

 _Abe told him that demons eat humans to gain magnetite, which allows them to maintain a physical form. Being half-human, he doesn't need to, but he can still detect it in his true form, and if he tried it, he's pretty sure he'd like it, too._

 _And Nanashi has_ so much _of it._

 _He can almost taste it, even when they're only holding hands like this, and fuck, but it's_ delicious.

 _"All right." Nanashi sits up — he even looks bored. "Spit it out. Let's get this over with."_

 _He gulps. "You do know that demons eat humans, right?"_

 _And every time they're close,_ yes, god, yes, _he_ wants _Nanashi, but he also wants something more, something_ else, _deep down inside, and one day, he'll lose control, and Nanashi will probably freak the fuck out when he takes a bite. Because, yeah, he totally would, too, if someone else took a bite out of him._

 _"Uh, yeah? No shit? S—_ Oh…" _He watches as the other's expression shifts from "duh" to "aha" as realization dawns, and then—_

 _Suddenly, he's on his back, and Nanashi is pinning him to the bed, green eyes glinting with…_ interest?

 _"What the— Leader, did you even h—"_

 _"Sure I did, and you should," the other breathes with a feral grin, their lips a hair's breadth apart. "You totally should."_

 _"What?! Are we even talking about the same thing?! I'm saying there could be, like, full on, actual —you know, eating?— here?!" He flails, helpless beneath the other, and fuck, but he's hard as nails and salivating all at the same time — he can't even decide which he wants more. "Like, actually biting off chunks and not just… drawing blood with my teeth!"_

 _"And I'm saying, seeing as my body can't die again, so I don't actually have to worry about that, the fact that you want to is All. Kinds. Of_ hot."

 _Gaping, Hallelujah realizes that he's forgotten to breathe again, and maybe the lack of air is making him delirious because "You're crazy," he laughs, and now he can't stop — he's getting hysterical, happy, dizzy. "You know that? You're completely out-of-this-world crazy."_

 _"I've heard that," Nanashi replies, completely unfazed. "Now can we get on with it, or is that a real objection to making out?"_

 _"Oh my god, y—"_

 _"Ah-ah-ah…" Nanashi presses a thumb to Hallelujah's lips as he unbuttons the white dress shirt with his other hand. "Don't ever say that unless you're referring to me."_

This, he thinks, in the perfect clarity of hindsight, should have been a major red flag, but he didn't even notice.

 _"Yes," he gasps as they push clothing out of the way to finally feel skin on skin, and he doesn't think he's going to last through the overwhelming intensity of it all. Everything is so much sharper like this._

 _When the other mouths down his jaw, a flash of instinct makes him bare his neck — he's never thought like this before, but Nanashi is stronger; he's the Leader; it's the natural order, and it feels right when Nanashi tugs at his hair and sucks a mark over his jugular._

 _Nanashi sighs his name, leaning back to get a better look and laughing at his whine of protest. He's still shy as green eyes rake over his body — he's never thought his stark white skin with its strange black markings all over looked anything but monstrous, and he can't imagine that Nanashi might like what he sees._

 _Still, "I wonder…" Nanashi murmurs, tracing one of the marks with a featherlight touch, and it's strange — along with the tingle of pleasure arcing down his skin, it seems to strike a chord deep inside, right to his core, stirring that strange hunger, and he doesn't know whether he wants the other to stop or do it again. It's taken out of his hands — Nanashi traces another mark, and it takes his breath away. "Yes?"_

 _"I— Hngh!"_

 _This time, Nanashi traces the mark with his tongue, and this one is by his nipple, so wet muscle swirls around the nub as it goes, and his hips jerk as a jolt goes straight down. With a smirk, Nanashi—_

 _"F—ah—AHH!"_

 _His eyes roll back in his head as he sees stars. When he comes down from it, Nanashi is still stroking his cock languidly, and it's so much better than all the times he touched himself, he could sob from how good it is._

 _"You're still so hard."_

 _There's a hint of wonder in the other's voice, and he'd be embarrassed if he could think past the pleasure of those dexterous fingers. Every time they get near the tip or that ridge just below, his insides clench, and he thinks he might come again, all too soon, add to the mess they're covered in before Nanashi has even—_

 _"Turn over?"_

 _It takes a few seconds to process —he's so far gone— but he manages to comply, and Nanashi doesn't stop fondling him even when the other shifts up to kiss and mouth at his neck and shoulders. With his legs parted to give his lover access, he's sure he looks the picture of debauchery, and when a warm hand cups his sacs, he can only throw his head back and moan, eyes fluttering shut._

 _"Mm, seeing as I'm just trying random things out, I'm glad everything feels good to you."_

 _The other's tone is teasing, and there's that strange sensation as lips brush over another mark again — he's definitely addicted now._

 _"A—are you saying I'm easy?"_

 _"Are you?" Nanashi ripostes, lips caressing the shell of his ear, and he shivers. "You know what Dagda says?"_

 _"Do I want to know?"_

 _"He says we might really like it if I did this."_

 _A finger swipes roughly back and up, and "F—fuck yes," he's almost— "Shit, are we taking sex tips from a demon now?" And okay, yeah, he's one to talk, but instead—_

 _Chuckling, Nanashi replies, "Well, he doesn't like that I think it's the best damn advice he's ever given me, since everything else has only stirred up trouble."_

 _He opens his mouth to say something, hopefully witty, but then his lover's body blankets his own, erection slotting into the crease of his arse, and it's lost in the moan that escapes as the other rocks into him. His toes curl at the hot, sweet friction and the pressure on his cock with Nanashi gripping his hands and lacing their fingers above their heads, nipping roughly at his ears and neck, and he's sure some of these will leave marks, but he doesn't care._

 _He_ wants _to be marked, and that sweet, sweet scent is dizzying. From the heated groan by his ear, the pleasure is mutual, and he wants; he rocks back — it's not enough. Nanashi's movements turn frantic, then he's growling Hallelujah's name as he spills, hot and wet, between them and sags, gasping for breath, atop him._

 _He should feel gross, he thinks, covered in both of their bodily fluids, but some dark primal side of him revels in it, the smell and the sense of_ mine. Us. _That side wants to cover Nanashi in it, too._

 _Still trapped beneath them, his erection throbs, unsatisfied, and he squirms. Instead of moving, though, the other digs his hips in to hold him still._

 _"Don't move and I'll make it good for you."_

 _He's obeying before he's even thought about it, freezing at that husky whisper in his ear, and Nanashi chuckles, pleased, rolling off._

 _"It's fascinating how your body adapts," he remarks, but before Hallelujah can ask what he means, two fingers slide over his entrance, and the words are lost in a whimper. "It gets slick back here," Nanashi continues conversationally, circling the opening, and yes, now that he's less overwhelmed, he can feel the wetness — it feels filthy, wanton, arousing. "It wasn't before." One finger slips in, and he bites back a moan. "And this scent…" The finger starts moving in and out shallowly, teasing, and he's trembling from the effort of holding still. "If I didn't already, I think it'd make me want you."_

 _He almost misses the words — it's taking all his focus not to rut into the mattress. "This… sweet scent… Me…?"_

 _"Mm, told you, you smell good."_

 _"Hngh… Please…" He needs Nanashi harder, deeper. "Stop playing with me."_

 _"You seemed to be enjoying that," Nanashi points out with a smirk, stopping entirely, and he whines — he's so close. Sitting up and shifting back to lean against the wall, Nanashi takes his hand and tugs. "Come here."_

 _He gasps as the movement relieves the pressure on his sensitive, leaking cock, but manages to clumsily crawl into his lover's lap to press their lips together. He's unbelievably flattered to find Nanashi licking his fingers and already half-hard for him — it's embarrassing, but he hasn't really done anything but lie there and take it. Thinking he should fix that, he takes the other's neglected cock in his hand and is gratified by Nanashi's moan when it swells — it's a little different from his own._

 _Straddling Nanashi's lap, he cups the other's cheek to peck him on the lips again and tries to focus on what he's doing, to figure out what his lover enjoys, when suddenly, Nanashi is licking into his mouth, tangling their tongues and capturing his lips possessively with one hand buried in light red hair and the other caressing the turn of his hip, and—_

 _"Ha—_ ahh!"

 _The spark of pleasure inside burst into haloed lights behind his eyelids, and he can't believe— "Wow," he gasps, slumping forward, his breathing ragged. "That was…"_ Sensual, mind-blowing, amazing. _And now that he's marked Nanashi as his, it's disconcertingly satisfying._

 _"Dagda," Nanashi admits, looking a bit apologetic. "And I quote: 'Are modern humans so out of touch with their instincts? Watching you fumble in ignorance has ceased to be entertaining. Let me show you how it's done, kid.'"_

 _"Uh. Awkward," he mutters._ Like a threesome, only not. _He's not sure how to feel about it. "I mean, of course it's good to know what to do, but…"_

 _"Do you want to stop?"_

 _"…no." That he's sure about. "Um, will he…?"_

 _"'Hmph, what a waste of time. Consider me gone,' he said."_

 _"Oh." He blinks. "Wait. He can leave?!"_

 _Nanashi shrugs, but otherwise doesn't move. And Hallelujah knows what he signed up for, but he can't deny it bothers him that Dagda could intervene at any time._

 _"I want_ you." _He inches closer, resumes moving his hand to a sound of pleasure. "Not… you know…"_

 _"It was just that one time." Nanashi catches the back of his neck and reels him in. "And I think I've gotten the hang of it."_

 _The kiss is less sure this time, slower, but it's the same sensual slide of tongue exploring the recesses of his mouth and running over his razor-sharp teeth, and he feels himself melt into the other as the hand on his neck slides down his spine. The smell of magnetite is making him lightheaded, and he nuzzles behind his lover's ear, licks the salt off Nanashi's skin in a trail up from the collarbone and inhales deeply by spiky dark hair. Nanashi presses him closer, and it's crazy, but he's already ready for more, can't get enough of the taste, the scent, the feel of his lover so close to him._

 _"You're insatiable, and I love it," the other purrs, sounding almost wicked. "And so sensitive," he teases with a chuckle, digging his fingers into black markings as he runs his hands over flushed white skin, and precum drips from Hallelujah's cock even as he realizes he's drawn blood._

Delicious, _he thinks as the punctures knit shut with a green tinge,_ delicious _and he_ wants, _he_ needs.

 _"Give me a break," he whines as two fingers slip inside to a dull ache amidst the long awaited pleasure. "No one's so much as touched me in this form before."_

 _Abruptly, Nanashi stops._

 _"Leader…?"_ Did I say something wrong?

 _He starts to lean back, but then Nanashi pulls him into a tight embrace._

 _"L—Leader?"_

 _"I should have figured, but I didn't realize," Nanashi says softly, then turns to kiss him again, but it's different this time, and Hallelujah suddenly can't breathe past the weight in his chest. There's such_ intent _to the caress of his lips this time, to the gentle way he's lowered back to the bed, to the careful breaching, and even the ache feels good and full and_ intimate _like he could never even imagine before, and it's reflex to wrap his arms and legs around his lover and draw him deeper. "I should have done it like this from the start," Nanashi murmurs over his lips, cradling him close like something precious, before capturing his lips again, and his eyes are stinging. "You don't have to hide anymore, Hallelujah. You are mine."_

 _"Yes!" The other's fierce, possessive tone rumbles, primal, through his soul, and his insides clench so hard, it hurts, with desperate need. "Please, fuck, please!"_

 _He cries out at the first thrust, clinging on tightly as the flood of rapture threatens to sweep him away, and he has to sink his teeth into Nanashi's shoulder on the second. Again, and he knows he won't last much longer — even this feels almost more intense than his last climax, and he can barely hold on to coherent thought._

 _"Higher," Nanashi groans, speeding up, "What you want is higher," dipping his head to offer the back of his neck, close to the spine, by the brain. "Do it."_

 _It shatters the last of his restraint, and he bites down, claws and teeth piercing soft skin. Nanashi's hips stutter with a sharp cry, and then heat and blood and—_

 _Orgasm slams into him with explosive intensity, his vision whiting out at that first taste of_ Nanashi, _and he's sure they've gone beyond sex, beyond love, beyond_ humanity, _but if Nanashi would be his god, he'd gladly worship his lover forever._

Famous last words, they'd call them, and lying here in Nanashi's arms amidst the bodies of their former friends, the weight of his sins threatens to crush him with guilt.

He should have seen this coming.

After Abe, after everything they'd been through... All the red flags had been staring him in the face, and Hallelujah is sure they would have stood out without his rose-tinted glasses.

He should have known better.

He could have saved them.

"Why?" he asks again through the tears in a shuddering breath. He doesn't blink them away, so he doesn't have to see.

"You know why," Nanashi answers in the same gentle tone he used that night. "This is the only way we can truly be free."

Hallelujah shakes his head. "You killed them. You'll kill us all. The Nanashi I knew—"

"Always could," Nanashi finishes for him. "Don't kid yourself."

It's true — thinking back now, Nanashi had never given any indication that the rest of the world mattered to him. Hallelujah really should have known better than to trust him, but he'd _loved_ him, idolised him, wanted to be him. And it'd seemed like Nanashi trusted him, too, maybe even l—

Nanashi says his name softly, heartfelt, drawing him close just like that night, and even now, he can't help leaning into the contact, sobbing into the other's shoulder.

"I know what you mean to ask." Warm fingers card through his hair, soft lips pressing to his temple. "It wasn't a lie." The pain is brief, far away. "I'll see you in the new world."

The world falls away, and time loses its meaning. All at once, it's as if he's in a void, yet he has some awareness of what is happening. Even so, he's still surprised when Nanashi calls upon him again.

A new world with Nanashi as God… he thinks he can accept it. Now that he's had time to process, he considers that maybe it's better this way. Humans can start afresh instead of picking up the pieces of their broken world, and he'll be there to help. He can protect humanity, create more if they die, make sure Nanashi keeps his promise of setting them free — it will be a lasting peace, a world for humankind.

As the new universe stretches out before them —at the height of spring, full of new life, beautiful and sublime— Nanashi pulls him into his lap on the Throne and embraces him tightly from behind, nuzzling his hair.

"I love you," Nanashi says for the first time, and Hallelujah doesn't doubt it. Creation can only reflect its Creator's psyche, and it is impossible to create life without emotion, without love.

Still, he can't help but think about what might have been, if they could have preserved the world they knew and led it side by side, if Nanashi had had faith in anyone but himself, faith in humanity's ability to persevere by its united power, faith in Hallelujah and their former friends.

"Not enough," he replies wistfully, covering the other's hands with his own and leaning back.

"Perhaps," Nanashi concedes. "If I did, I would let you live happy and free as a human instead of keeping you with me forever. If I did, I might have granted your wish from before."

Sighing, he admits, "There is no way of knowing that granting my wish would have been better."

"And it's too late for that now," Nanashi agrees, turning him around and caressing his cheek. "But it's not too late to let you go. If it is your wish, you can live here, on this world, with the other humans, lead them like you would have led the Ashura-kai."

He smiles, pressing their foreheads together. "Thank you." _If you have the heart to think this way, then I believe this world will truly be wonderful._ "But I know what it's like to be alone. You saved me from that, accepted me completely. I will never leave you." _As if I could love anyone else now. You've ruined me._

Mirroring his smile, Nanashi joins their lips in a searing kiss. _Then I promise you,_ he hears the other's voice directly in his head, _the world of your dreams and an eternity of happiness._

 _Yes,_ he thinks back, content. _Yes._

It started out innocently enough, and they'll always have each other. They're going to build an amazing world.


End file.
